Sex Toy Road Test: Dance Party In My Pants

By Milton Jeffries

Item: iBuzz Music-Activated Orgasm Machine

Promises, Promises: “Plug in and turn on for vibrating fun!”

First Impression: The iBuzz looks like an iPod that you can plug into your iPod or any other MP3 player. It will also work on its own as an independent vibrating machine. The accompanying vibrating “bullet” is an inch and a half long and plugs into the iBuzz. It comes with two adapters to go on the bullet: one that fits over it like a spiky condom, and another that has two holes in it so that it can fit over both the bullet and your dick to make a vibrating cock ring.

The Road Test: Setting up the iBuzz can involve a lot of cords. One cord plugs into the vibrating bullet, another one plugs into a splitter at your iPod, which also connects to the headphones. OK, I guess that’s only three cords, but when you’re looking at a sex toy it seems like a lot. It took me a while to configure everything, but at least the directions on the iBuzz box are clearer than on your average sex toy.

I turned it on to see it in action. At first, nothing happened, then I realized you have to turn up the MP3 player’s volume in order to adjust the vibrations. Different parts of songs cause different vibrations: It might be the bass or the vocals that get things shakin’, or it could depend on the volume level. At a low volume I’d get just the rhythmic bass buzzing, but pumping it all the way up made it vibrate consistently. Unfortunately, the more you turn the volume up, the harder it becomes to listen to through the headphones. So I just let them sit on the side of my ears.

I tried different styles of music—rock, pop, club music, and even a spoken lecture for good measure to see if it felt like someone’s tongue was licking me. (Not so much.) I played with the device for quite a while before it occurred to me that I was using it not as a sex toy but as a toy.

The iBuzz comes with a belt clip, but it seems that if I were wearing a belt I’d have to have my pants on, which isn’t exactly conducive to wanking off. The problem with getting naked is that you have all these cords and nothing to hang them from. I solved the problem by playing with the iBuzz while sitting at my desk and rubbing it against various body parts. It felt pretty damn good, but I found myself frequently fiddling with my iPod to adjust the intensity of vibrations. But ultimately that’s a small price to pay to get some play.

The good thing about the iBuzz is that you don’t actually need an MP3 player to use it. It has seven different buzzing patterns, from steady vibrations to seemingly random long and short pulses, which I really liked. And without the iPod plugged in, it used two less cords, and I never had to worry about the volume, as the buzzer stays on high.

The attachment that turns it into a heavily ribbed insertable is really soft, and the bullet isn’t long enough for it to be effective for anal stimulation; it’s really meant for women. The other attachment turns the iBuzz into a vibrating cock ring, which can be pretty fun, but the cord might bother some. Fortunately, its AAA batteries are powerful enough to deliver strong vibrations that can really rock your cock.

What might be a blast is to fuck a guy while your dick vibrates to his favorite song. Party in the rear!

Clean-up: Just unplug the bullet and wash it. It’s not waterproof, so you’ll want to be conservative with the water.

Wrap-up: Though the vibrations are strong and the toy is fun, I found this to be a better novelty item than a terrific sex toy. Although it might make a good gift for a friend you feel is too attached to his iPod: “Why don’t you just have sex with it already?” Oh, OK!

Alternate Use: A mini musical drink mixer

Price: $59.95